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pLuSoNeDeRfUl
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Name: sarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrah
Country: United States
State: California
Birthday: 11/17/1986
Gender: Female
Interests: smiles, passion, truth, love. those are very good things to be interested in.
Message: message meEmail: email me
AIM:  plusonederful
Member Since:
2/1/2003
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| hello xanga.
its been seven years or something.
so now i think its just biblical for me to move onto something else.
http://rumblr-in-my.tumblr.com/
good bye xanga :) | | |
| okay! so for the next month or so, all my blog thoughts are going to be here:
http://sarahlam.andrewhao.com/botswana2009/blog
see you in march!
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| apparently everyone thinks that andrew is really wise and keeps notifying me that his "dating 101" series is really helpful, insightful, relevant, blah blah blah. if i share about the things i've learned in this relationship, does this just qualify as girl-emo-vomit? maybe. but i will try.... just because i dont work anymore and i have about an hour to kill before i go upstairs to try and organize a billion die cuts, chipboards, acryllics, fabrics, and hole punches.
my thoughts about "having game"
very very early on in my relationship with andrew (as in 4 years ago), it was established that andrew was always going to be.. the nice guy, right? i really admired the transparency of our friendship and his insurmountable boundaries that kept us very-clearly-brother-and-sister-in-christ. even when he began to show interest in me, it was sincere and direct. come early december-ish.. i realized that i kind of had a problem with it- without flirting, those "accidental" "lingering" "glances" or "touches". without a bit of heart break.. a few misleading signals.. without that sort of game.. would there be enough chemistry to really start a romantic relationship?
can anyone identify? i feel like a lot of conversations with christian sisters have reflected that this is kind of normal for dating relationships in the church.. and i feel like i've heard from christian brothers that they sometimes come to this crossroad where they should either be nice guy or the one that plays with the girl JUST enough to win her heart... if im wrong, dont give me an eprop and then call me a heathen. i feel like justin hong will probably do just that in order to spite me.
anyway, i have to admit that its true though.. whenever i became more insecure about andrew, the more attracted i was to him.. and its probably true that if he had given me mixed signals throughout november to december, i'd be SO confused yet so attached, i'd fall for him in a second.
and yet almost 10 months later, here is where i stand. andrew's steadfastness has really changed the way that i see romance and attachment. i guess in a sense, there are a lot of things that the world offers that can hold you in that insecure balancing act.. you know? its not just flirting and er. "having game" that provides that immediate gratification and that desire for more.... isnt it also things like money and reputation? i'm not trying to equate romantic gestures and fuzzy feelings with sin at ALL.. i think im trying to say that looking back, i'm really grateful for the ways that andrew has chosen NOT to play that game.. he has chosen not to hold back, not to deceive me, and instead to do something really remarkable- he has chosen Christ as his role model..... who did not win me over by playing with my heart or enticing me with fleeting feelings.. but has laid it out. honestly. sincerely. and whole-heartedly.
THAT is the love that has overcome the world.. and thats the love that i feel like i'm learning about in my relationship with andrew.
andrew hao is not equal to jesus. but i think we're both working out our faith in this relationship to discover the depths of our Father's love that we have both experienced from Jesus. yano?
okay. in conclusion.. i think that a lot of dandy relationships can begin with those lingering touches, those mixed signals, and that wonderful tingly feeling everytime you think about "what if?!" but i do know that that cant be healthily sustainable. because after "what if?!" becomes what is, it does come down to love.. love like the bible calls it. yano? not.. uh. lil wayne. or something.? oops. awkward ending.
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| As many of you know, the journey that I've taken with the Salvation Army has been super long. really stressful. and not very happy.
Here is what happened!
1. I have never been so demeaned, disrespected, abused, and humiliated like I was at this job. From moral accusations to questions about the sincerity of my faith, the supervisors that were supposed to encourage and guide me rocked my self worth really hard.
: in light of this I have realized this- when i am neglected, unforgiven, misunderstood, disregarded, ridiculed, disgraced, and forced to stand face to face with folly, extravagance, and spiritual insensitivity but bear with it in loving patience and steadfast endurance, then I am learning to die to self. (thanks j mac). and yet...
2. I have never been so hard-hearted, bitter, resentful, sarcastic, disrespectful, unyielding, insincere, and unforgiving as I have at this job. From unprofessional remarks to sneers and gossip, the salt and light that I was called to be I definitely traded in for the mud and darkness of sin.
: in light of this I have realized that my faith has never been so tested and yet so refined. I never knew it was this difficult to love my enemies and pray for those who hated me. The love of the Cross destroys my Christian mask. my Christian answers. my Christian smile. the love of the cross makes me realize that while I was an ENEMY of God, my soul was bought with a price and I cannot understand a love so radical. But this glimpse into my own sinful heart has made me long for love.. and time and time again He comes.
3. God has always been the most valuable thing. Although my bosses called me names, yelled at me, kicked me out of their office, spoke harshly about me to my coworkers behind my back, God is my most treasured thing. As I sat teary-eyed in my cubicle, He reminded me that he sustains me each day because he will not give up on His kingdom...
When my heart was filled with disdain and I called my bosses idiots and bigots, I was confronted by a God who required me to lay down the other "most precious things"- my rights, my reputation, and pick up His cross.. and his love.. as my most important thing. He reminded me that he sustains me because he will not give up on His kingdom.
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yup. so thats what happened. I now get to take my post-college break! woooo!! Hahaha.. Andrew and I will be leaving for Botswana in February. I will probably be hanging out in Berkeley at least every Wednesday and Thursday, so lets hang out!!
it is finished!
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| just a quick "for the record" type of post: i absolutely love my clients. sure. they try to play me. yes, they lie to my face. yeah i get hit on occassionally. sometimes i get yelled at, othertimes they start sobbing during our session. but most of the time, i think theyre hilarious. and i think i amuse them. i asked J about what sort of music his band plays: "i dunno... we're sorta a .. thrasher. heavy. metal. death. dagger. darkness. screaming. sort of feel." "ohh.. okay.................." --- i take G on a campus tour and after lunch he starts freaking out. "i lost my teeth" "g. theyre in your mouth" "naw... my OTHER ones." "OH SHOOT! YOUR GRILL?! OH CRAP! we need to find that! hurry! i'll dig in the trash can! throw me that napkin!" "nevermind. its in my pocket" "okay cool." --- i really enjoy them. you know! im beginning to really understand that as we walk into places, our hearts truly are shaped by the Holy Spirit to respond with compassion and love. :) i love themmmm!!! | | |
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